If single girls say they want to go out, whether to a movie, dinner, a bar or a club, they just plan it and go. They don't need to put a title to their evening out and begin planning it for weeks, and make sure that their friends put it down in their monthly planner. The term "girls night out" was created by women married to controlling husbands who needed some way of justifying getting out of the house. And let me be even more clear that it is usually for married, stay-at-home moms. If we were working moms, we would conveniently be busy till 7 or 8 at night every now and then, and meet our friends at happy hour. Right? Or, are working moms still expected to get home right after work and have dinner ready for their family?
"Girls Night Out." Out where? It depends on the type of women we're talking about. For instance, when I belonged to the Mom's Club here, most of the women wanted their night out to be at someone's home: a movie night in pj's, scrapbooking, exchanging cookie recipes...you get the idea. Other women are content with a movie and possibly squeezing in an appetizer somewhere. Remember, most moms limit their time out because they feel obligated to feed the kids and get them ready for bed before they leave. Then, there are the women (like me) that like to hit the town on their night out. Hey, if you're going to have a one-night-a-month pass, why not live it up?! ( Granted, I have stretched that to 2 nights a month, big deal ). My husband feels safe and comforted knowing I am at someone's house eating cookies and sharing stories about our kids. Being at a bar or club on my night out is troublesome for him. For me, it's a chance to catch up with my girls, and meet new people. Sure, I like the attention, but I'm not out to "pick up" a new man. I just like being part of the scene and checking out all the new places.
I'm not sure about other husbands, but I believe it's threatening to many of them to have their wives out at night without them. They get so used to having us fit into this convenient little box, and when we open the box and climb out, they don't know how to handle it. I realize we married girls need to tread lightly...men are a sensitive breed in general, But, Please, As long as we get a little compliment now and then, a smattering of romance and affection, they have nothing to worry about. But, if we don't.....LOOK OUT!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Doing My Part
Okay, I have decided to announce to my husband that I will let the cleaning lady go entirely. I will admit, I am hesitant to follow through as I write this, but I believe this is a great way to show I care about our finances at this time. That is not to say I will not ask her back when things "bounce back." I realized, after cleaning the house once last month, that I am perfectly capable.Some of you reading this may not have a cleaning person and may be baffled by the fact that I have had one, but I haven't lifted a finger since my husband and I lived in Saudi Arabia, where, admittedly, I became spoiled.
You see, over there, everyone has a live in maid whether you need one or not. Our "maids quarters" was a tiny little bedroom/bathroom off the kitchen that was so small that we had to get a twin bed custom cut to fit into the room and even then, it was "wall to wall." So, in the beginning, she cleaned every day, did the laundry, and helped me get dinner ready. I loved having her cut and clean the lettuce and other foods I'd be preparing...she was an amazing dicer. For a couple of weeks, we were digging this. But then we started to feel silly for having a full time maid "pick up" after the two of us. My husband would purposely drop his boxers in the middle of the floor just to keep her busy. We then cut her to 3 days a week. After my Lebanese friend told me she had seen her watching TV whenever I was away ( the nerve of her), she said she wanted to have a "talk" with her in Arabic to tell her this was NOT acceptable! Their "talk" was the loudest, nastiest sounding conversation I had ever heard. I felt so bad for our sweet Eritrean girl. How could I be tough on her when I realized there was nothing for her to do?? Our place was gleaming. Soon, I cut her to once a week, and that is how it stayed.
When I returned to the states, after living in Saudi for 4 1/2 years, having a maid was a no brainer. It's tough to have had it easy, and then go to a more moderate lifestyle. The money was great, we traveled all the time, and we bought designer clothes whenever we wanted. Whoever says money doesn't make life easier is full of it. Anyway, for now, I'm ready to give this cleaning thing a shot.
You see, over there, everyone has a live in maid whether you need one or not. Our "maids quarters" was a tiny little bedroom/bathroom off the kitchen that was so small that we had to get a twin bed custom cut to fit into the room and even then, it was "wall to wall." So, in the beginning, she cleaned every day, did the laundry, and helped me get dinner ready. I loved having her cut and clean the lettuce and other foods I'd be preparing...she was an amazing dicer. For a couple of weeks, we were digging this. But then we started to feel silly for having a full time maid "pick up" after the two of us. My husband would purposely drop his boxers in the middle of the floor just to keep her busy. We then cut her to 3 days a week. After my Lebanese friend told me she had seen her watching TV whenever I was away ( the nerve of her), she said she wanted to have a "talk" with her in Arabic to tell her this was NOT acceptable! Their "talk" was the loudest, nastiest sounding conversation I had ever heard. I felt so bad for our sweet Eritrean girl. How could I be tough on her when I realized there was nothing for her to do?? Our place was gleaming. Soon, I cut her to once a week, and that is how it stayed.
When I returned to the states, after living in Saudi for 4 1/2 years, having a maid was a no brainer. It's tough to have had it easy, and then go to a more moderate lifestyle. The money was great, we traveled all the time, and we bought designer clothes whenever we wanted. Whoever says money doesn't make life easier is full of it. Anyway, for now, I'm ready to give this cleaning thing a shot.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures
Being without a job, or a savings or checking account means that I have no cash around so when I "happen" upon some money I cherish it (at least for a while, anyway). Let me explain how I "happen" upon money.
When my husband gets home from work, he sets his credit cards and cash on top of my dresser. Sometimes I take a few dollars, sometimes a five, and put it in an envelope and stash it between some books in my end table. This becomes my little savings account.
Usually he doesn't notice or seem to care, but some days, I get a little gutsy and take a five or a ten. He notices. He is irritated and wonders why I have to sneak the money instead of just asking for it. Good point. I realize this sounds quite juvenile, but I continue to "steal" without a word. I'm creating a nice little nest egg. My diligence and consistency always pays off. The other way I acquire money is from my parents. They have been "treating" me since I was in college in the 80's. Back then, it was a $20 here and there, which would last me the entire weekend. Now, it's a $50 or $100, and my mom always says, "Treat yourself to something nice." Usually, it's a spa treatment or something from my favorite boutique.
A couple of weeks ago, I took $40 as payment for cleaning my house, ( I cancelled the cleaning lady that day). I took the money to the local casino and played 3 card poker.. I was able to let that $40 ride for about 45 minutes and only lost twenty in the end, I was hoping to double my money. At my table were several older men and one asked what I did for a living. Now, mind you, it was the middle of the day and the kids were at school. I said I was a stay- at -home mom. There were a couple of loud barrell type laughs and a few low chuckles. The latter not being very impressed with how I chose to spend my time.
I responded, "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
When my husband gets home from work, he sets his credit cards and cash on top of my dresser. Sometimes I take a few dollars, sometimes a five, and put it in an envelope and stash it between some books in my end table. This becomes my little savings account.
Usually he doesn't notice or seem to care, but some days, I get a little gutsy and take a five or a ten. He notices. He is irritated and wonders why I have to sneak the money instead of just asking for it. Good point. I realize this sounds quite juvenile, but I continue to "steal" without a word. I'm creating a nice little nest egg. My diligence and consistency always pays off. The other way I acquire money is from my parents. They have been "treating" me since I was in college in the 80's. Back then, it was a $20 here and there, which would last me the entire weekend. Now, it's a $50 or $100, and my mom always says, "Treat yourself to something nice." Usually, it's a spa treatment or something from my favorite boutique.
A couple of weeks ago, I took $40 as payment for cleaning my house, ( I cancelled the cleaning lady that day). I took the money to the local casino and played 3 card poker.. I was able to let that $40 ride for about 45 minutes and only lost twenty in the end, I was hoping to double my money. At my table were several older men and one asked what I did for a living. Now, mind you, it was the middle of the day and the kids were at school. I said I was a stay- at -home mom. There were a couple of loud barrell type laughs and a few low chuckles. The latter not being very impressed with how I chose to spend my time.
I responded, "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"The Day After" an intentional prayer
The day after 9/11, a friend wrote this while at a prayer service where everyone was asked to write down their intentions. I immediatley copied it down to keep because it was beautifully written and thought it could be applied to our lives at any time, not just after this unforgettable tragedy. I found it in a box tucked away
in a closet the other day and when I read it again, I thought about the financial crisis our country and the rest of the world is experiencing. As individuals, we are all hit by this in one way or another, but what concerns me is the fear that the media and our government has created in many of us. Fear and worry creates more of the same, so I hope we can all look at our lives and find the positives and move forward each day being thankful for what we have. President Obama's address to congress last night was very optimistic and promising for our future...we should all pay heed to this.
"I pray that we not react in kind, do not feed this insane mentality. I pray that we not add to out collective world hatred, that we not fuel this loveless blind force, this hubris that has always been a part of the human story. Rather, I hope we can make all the more effort to heal ourselves by forgiving each other, releasing our own bonds of hatred, jealousy, and fear of one another, and let love in.
I pray that we ask to be filled with Love, that we be silent and listen for it, and while we patiently wait for this Love that can heal every wound, that we make an act of will, a choice to make all the more effort to reach out, communicate, be kind to those in need, to those who are different from ourselves, and to look at each other not as strangers, but as connected and one with each other and our creator. Let us not be afraid of each other, but rather, ask God, Great Spirit, our higher power or higher self, Buddha, Love - whoever or whatever we believe in, to be filled with Love, the kind of unconditional love that our grandmothers seem to shower on us - and the kindness, respect and every good thing that flows from it.
And the courage not just to think or speak or write about this love, but to live it. Smile more, laugh more, breathe deep, hug a new friend. Despite all this or maybe to spite all this, "Keep on Trustin".
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