Zip Your Lip and Compliment

Ladies and Gentlemen,

You have just been handed a meal that your significant other has cooked for you. It may have been thrown together in 20 minutes, or it may have been slaved over for a couple of hours, or the better part of a day.

How about if the meal had been talked about by your sweetheart as one of the best entrees of its kind, "A gourmet feast that resembled pieces of heaven."

What if you had been working all day, and your partner had also been running crazy, but yet, you were still served a meal? You didn't need to call for takeout, or be told, " Honey, get ready, we're going out."

What if you ate this meal prepped and served on a platter, and you liked it, but didn't love it? Maybe you didn't like it at all. Or, maybe you thought it was good, but thought it needed something, and you were thinking you might suggest that little "something."

If any of this pertains to you, here are some suggestions as to how to react. First: Feel Damn Lucky! Second: Tell your cook how much you appreciated the meal. That's all you need to do.

And........NEVER, I repeat NEVER suggest that they add a certain little something, or say, " It was really good, but can I make a suggestion?"

Because, you know what kind of recipe you'll be served next time?

DISASTER!

MONEY

Where is all the money? I haven't seen cash in a long time. Where is it stored? Do other people use it? I have a card that I swipe in a little machine for everything. I buy a 50 cent donut for my kid at the grocery store with this card. I buy my coffee, my groceries, things on line, a new hat....anything and everything with this piece of plastic. My husband gets paid for working every day. He gets a check that goes directly into the bank. I don't know how much he gets. I just know that I can keep handing my card to a cashier in any store I please, and walk away with something needed or wanted at that moment. It's quite amazing, actually.

I have beautiful days when swiping and acquiring run smoothly and there is no thought about money at all. But, then the day arrives when money is brought to my attention. "What are you buying? And, why are you buying it? " Oops, I thought the use of this little card had gone unnoticed. I thought there was an endless amount of this stuff that now, I realize, must live somewhere, and must begin to dwindle at times. On days like this, I pause for a moment. I hide my plastic friend in the back of my wallet instead of prominently displayed in the front.


If I was working, and someone was depositing my check into a bank, I think I would pay attention to how much I was getting and how much was being spent. Actually, I would be thinking about money A LOT. I'm not sure I want that kind of burden. In fact, I like my beautiful days too much .

I wonder...... Can't I believe the money will always be there and with this belief it will BE? So far, it's worked for me.

Losing Our Voices

We facebook, email, text (and sext), twitter and blog....when do we call? When do we do coffee or lunch? Well, I still do both, as many of my friends do, as well, but my concern is that we may get to a point where it's awkward to converse face to face. If most people are like me, they are able to say more through one of these forms of communication than in person. We think we're connecting on a deeper level through our written expression. Relationships form and evolve this way( or so we think), and the sex.....it's fantastic! Whether it's naughty, sweet, raunchy or passionate, it's fabulous! You want to do what to me where?? Let's face it,  most of us can't live up to what was so beautifully expressed via text. Why ruin a good thing? Who needs to go out on dates anymore? I'd rather forge an exciting relationship in the comfort of my home office or while I'm stuck in rush hour traffic.

Kids are doing it, too. They're on the bus sitting next to their friend and instead of turning to face them and say "Hey, dude," they text "Hey, dude." At parties, they text their girlfriend from across the room to say, " I love your dress, you look hot!" And, we've all heard about the cruelty kids express to others via text, or the photos of body parts they send to one another. I would imagine that many kids will have difficulty verbalizing their thoughts as they mature and enter the work force or dating scene. At least the adults of today had the socialization growing up to be decent communicators.

Some of us still value the business lunch (with a martini, please), or the boardroom meeting with handshakes. Is this going to be a thing of the past for our kids?   The bottom line is....there are red flags waving, and we may never see (or hear) in the future the art of the "campfire story,"or the beauty of the verbal compliment.
Times, they are a changin.

Do I Look Stupid?

I've always been a trusting person. I give people the benefit of the doubt. So, when I hire a handyman to do some odd jobs around the house, I expect him to act professionally, and do the job in the way in which it is discussed. Let's say you're the handyman, and in that initial meeting with me, not only am I mentioning several things that need to be done in my home, but I'm also listing things my brother and parents need done in theirs. Wouldn't dollar signs be floating across your brain as you gear up to impress me with your skills and positive attitude? I should hope so, but it didn't happen with this guy.

I asked him to replace my leaking disposal (he was to purchase and install this), tile and grout some missing and broken saltillo tile on my patio, re-grout some areas inside that had chipped away, and re-caulk my bathroom window. I left him, and headed to the gym. I trusted he would take care of everything, and I would return at the end of the job to pay him exactly what we had agreed upon. This is where I acted stupid.

I have an Interior Design background. Wouldn't you think that I would have considered approving the tile and grout color he planned to use? One would assume, yes. And, isn't it typical to want to see the packaging and receipt of the newly purchased disposal? I returned from the gym with my wad of cash, and the first thing I witnessed was the jet black grout color being wiped in between my floor tiles. The existing grout is a medium gray. He said it was wet and even though it wouldn't match perfectly, it would be close. Skeptically, I moved to the next item at hand, the disposal. I examined the piece and admired his installation along with the replacement of pipes (an added bonus, not discussed). Feeling a little more confident in my man, I walked out back to observe the completely WRONG tile installed next to my authentic Mexican tile. This was thinner, not rounded, a darker color, and had coke bottle and bird print markings throughout each piece! I told him this wasn't right, and asked, "what's with all the bird prints??"  He replied, "It's better then what you had." I said I didn't like it at all, and I would try to track down the proper tiles, and in the mean time, told him to leave it. As we were settling the bill, he asked if I would like a receipt. Sure, I replied. He proceeded to jot down a few amounts on a 2x2 piece of paper, and I accepted this! 200-labor, 16-tile, 116-disposal. Done. I handed him the wad." I'll call you when I find the tile. Goodbye." There are so many things wrong with this exchange. Would anyone in the class raise their hand and explain one thing out of the several that this client could have done differently?

The following morning, my brain waves woke from a deep slumber. Wait a minute! Where is the packaging and warranty information for my disposal? Why didn't I get a copy of the actual Home Depot receipt? My grout is still jet black! Why should I be the one to run all over town to find the matching tile? These questions, and my resentment festered. Two days later after scrounging up the tile needed, I called and asked when he could come to reinstall it, replace the black grout, and bring me the paperwork for the disposal. He sounded put out, irritated, and too busy to bother with me. "Oh, by the way, your paperwork is at the bottom of your trashcan underneath the broken tile and old disposal and pipes. Have you dumped your trash yet?" No. "Okay, why don't you try to get to it, and if you can't, I will dig it out when I get the chance." Why did he throw away this stuff? Don't most people keep the instructions and warranty papers? I started wondering if it was in my trash can at all. Did he install a used disposal? The mistrust began, and he couldn't give me a day when he would finish the job. The festering continued until one sleepless night a week later, I was fuming! I felt he was taking advantage of me. He was putting me off, and why shouldn't he? He had his money. I called at the first morning light. "It's Karen. Look, I feel you've been putting me off and you left this job incomplete. I should be a priority..." he interrupted, "You look, Karen, I'm a very busy man...", I stopped him," I understand that, but I need to be put ahead of your other clients and you need to finish this job!" "Okay, I can be there in 30 minutes." With a smile on his face, he arrived that morning and completed the job. There were no apologies though. And, I won't be passing his number along.

There were moments when I wanted to lecture him on customer service, but I held my tongue. I realized I needed a lecture as much as he. I learned some valuable lessons that need not be listed...they're too obvious. Here's one though: Next time, I'll wear a suit and some horn rimmed glasses, carry around a legal pad and hover over him until the job is done.

Goldfish Killer

I did it. I took the life of our goldfish, Fire. I agonized over this decision for a week. I need to give the account of the days leading up to the final hour of his life. A couple of weeks ago he became fairly lifeless. He wasn't swimming/pacing back in forth, or wagging his body as I neared the bowl at feeding time. Instead, he was barely moving and hanging at the top with his mouth moving quickly to catch air...it pained me to see him this way. This went on for a few days until I cleaned his bowl. As he waited in the smaller container, I decided to give him a Reiki treatment ( I sent him energy through my hands). My daughter walked up and said, "Oh, you're trying to heal Fire? I hope it works." She's seen this from me before. Freakish but true, when I placed him back in his home, he began swimming like his old self...he was healed!

His energy level diminished the next day, however, and he went back to acting and looking sick. I prepared the kids for the worst and they both replied (practically in unison), "Can we get a new fish right after he dies?" I guess it's a good thing they weren't suffering like I was over the downfall of our pet. He developed red spots on his head and his firey orange scales seemed to be fading to white. I googled " How to heal a sick goldfish" and immediately the information came. His spots and fading color were burns from acidic water. The level of oxygen was extremely low hence his gasping for air at the top. He should not have been in a bowl ( I knew he was a fighter...he lived in his compact, non filtered home for a year). In order to save Fire, he would need to be removed from his contaminated environment as soon as possible. I was "fired" up! I headed to Petsmart to obtain all the necessary goods.

New 5 gallon filtered tank, check. One live plant (adds much needed oxygen to water), check. Vacuum to clean debris from rocks, check. One Petsmart fish expert to explain what else I needed to do in order to expand the life of this pitiful living being that my kids could give two shakes about. Antibiotics! Water softener! Dechlorination drops! But, then she added..."wait a week before placing the fish into the newly prepared tank." I felt the fish wouldn't survive past a couple of days...I was stressed. I told her I needed some privacy to discuss this impending $200 purchase with my husband. During the conversation, the first thought of flushing him came to mind. I would not be present for this, and he would need to do it while the kids were away. I was plotting Fire's murder.  He thought I should ask the neighbor if she would like to add our fish to her own goldfish's tank. The step dad answered. "Why would we want another fish? It would make the water twice as dirty which would mean the miserable task of cleaning would be more often, and we had hoped her fish would have kicked it years ago. Karen, it's a goldfish for God's sakes!!!" So, that did it. The choice was clear. Fire had to go.

My husband was making my conclusion more difficult. I had made up my mind, but he was insisting we let the fish die of natural causes. I could not and would not watch the fish suffer another day. I was beginning to feel guilty though. I was controlling his destiny. What right did I have to do this? It was my own selfishness...I couldn't bear to look at the fish anymore. The next morning, I said my goodbyes and then asked my husband to go into the kitchen and take care of it while I waited in the back bedroom. The kids were at the grandparent's house. He called out, " I don't know, Karen, he's moving pretty good. I'm not sure we should do this." I yelled, "Just do it! And, don't tell me what he looks like or what he's doing." I heard the toilet flush, and then a second time. Oh, geez, it took two flushes. It was done. I went out to clean up his belongings. I felt awful. The kids were champs over the news...surprise, surprise. I left his empty bowl on the counter for a few days, but I started catching glimpses of him swimming around which kinda freaked me out.

I'm getting over it. I don't miss him anymore, and when I think of what it would've taken to save him, I feel I made the right decision....or, did I?

Waking Up In Vegas.....With the Kids

I definitely get the motto " What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas," but I feel it's appropriate to share my moments spent with my 6 year old twins in Sin city. Why, you may ask, would I bring them to Vegas, and for a week? Well, my parents gave me a free timeshare, and they were coming along, so I thought it would be fun ... do the kids activities during the day, and then have built in babysitters for me to do as I please at night! Little did I know that my husband would bail on coming, and every other friend and brother I tried to recruit declined as well. I began to wonder if it was possible to enjoy 6 days there, but after some minor internet research, I discovered there were plenty of places to take the kids, most of which I would enjoy myself.

Each day, I included something geared towards their amusement, and for mine, there was always shopping. You can't go to any decent hotel without passing by a number of fabulous boutiques. "Vegas with kids" tip #1: Try to do their activity relatively early in the day so that they have energy. Drag them into the shops afterwards.

The following is a list of things to do with kids ages 3 and up:

The Mandalay Bay's Shark Reef Aquarium: This houses an amazing selection of fish and exotic reptiles, including a hands-on stingray, horseshoe crab, and starfish aquarium. Aprox. $10 for kids, and $15 for adults. And, the Mandalay has some of the best restaurants and boutiques on the strip!

The Mirage's Siegfried and Roy's Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat: This is in a beautiful setting and very upclose and personal. The dolphins were impressive, and they allow anyone to be a dolphin trainer for a day (as long as you pay handsomely), but what a way to spend a day in Vegas! The Secret Garden is home to the White Tigers, zebras, panthers, leopards, among other exotic animals. It was more interesting then most zoos, not to crowded, and the White Tigers were fascinating to observe. $10 for kids over 3, $15 for adults.

The M&M Store: A very popular stop for all ages...who doesn't like M&M's?? Depending on the time of year, it can be quite crowded, but the kids loved it. I'll admit it's cheesy, and not in the nicest shopping district on the strip, but again, I needed to fill 6 days with amusement. Just don't go there with children unless you can spend the money. It's 4 stories of anything and everything...clothing, jewelry, candy machines, stuffed m&m dolls, backpacks, ornaments, and of course, vats of rainbow colored m&m candies.

Circus Circus: Obviously, there are circus acts, but there is so much more than that. This place about put me over the edge though, and I had to keep repeating to myself, " It's all about the kids." Here is where I'll insert my "Vegas with kids" tip # 2: Do not bring your kids anywhere like this unless you can be loving, generous, and of the "all about the kids" mindset...it's not fair to them. So, do some deep breathing, maybe a meditation before one of these outings, and focus on them for at least 2 or 3 hours.
There is a massive carnival midway that has most every game in existence, and even 6 yr olds can win! We took home a trash bag full of giant pillows, beanie babies, ugly plastic dolls and other items that would be given away within a week of returning home. The circus acts are free and last about 15 minutes each with a 45 minute wait in between. Performers such as the Russian feline fairly sexy acrobat (for the dads out there) and the astounding unicycling juggler were part of the lineup. Nothing the adult hasn't seen before, but through a child's eyes....ah, yes, you know what I'm saying.
Connected to the casino, is an enormous shimmery red building that houses rollercoasters, and other amusement park rides. I didn't want to step close to the entrance because it would've been 3 more hours out of my day .... I hadn't gone boutiquing yet!

A couple of peaceful and quick outings are to the Flamingo hotel to stroll the gardens full of an array of unusual birds, including, you got it, flamingos. The other is the stunning Bellagio fountain show which goes off every 1/2 hour.

This is only a short list of the things to do. For me, it was enough, but depending on the age of the child and how much you're willing to spend, there is so much more.

"Vegas with kids" tip # 3: If the kids have grandparents as remarkable as mine....bring them. It will keep you sane, and get you out when the town comes to life. "Alone in Vegas, at Night" will have to be another feature.

All I Want For Mother's Day Is....

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Two days before, I received a large box at the door. It was a beach bike cruiser! I had been talking about wanting one for the last month since I don't use my mountain bike very often...they're not the easiest bike to just hop on and cruise the neighborhood with the kids. I thought it was very sweet that my hubbie ordered one and he worked the evening before mom's day and the next morning assembling it. It is super cute...creamy yellow with pink flowers and a big wicker basket for the front. I love it!

Okay, so the present is adorable and thoughtful. But, I didn't get any special treatment that morning...in fact, it seemed to be just like any ordinary Sunday morning. My husband went for an early run, came back hot and sweaty and went to work on assembling my bike which seemed to kinda stress him out. My son, however, walked into my bedroom, woke me up ( because daddy didn't tell him, " Let mommy sleep in."), and gave me his adorable card he had made me in school. It made me melt. He was anxious for me to get out of bed to see my bike come to life, so I dragged myself out at approximately 8:30 ( which, by the way, is sleeping in, but I can always use a little more time). Little did I know that I would become Daddy's little helper in the fabrication of my gift! I'm sorry, but I wasn't having any fun. I finally had to graciously bow out of my service to brush my teeth and rinse my face.

The rest of the day was enjoyable due to my mother's hard work and love of taking care of her family. She had balloons and a beautiful cake, and an amazing breakfast ready to go when we arrived. We all went swimming and had a relaxing day, I even squeezed in a nap. After a yummy dinner which was another meal she worked hard to prepare, we headed home. When we got the kids and ourselves to bed, I asked for a wee little massage of my neck and shoulders. But, you see, my husband was tired and didn't feel like it so, I had to remind him of what day it was because even though it was nighttime, the special day was not over yet. A 30 second massage followed. For all you men out there, 5 minutes should be the absolute minimum. I know it's not fair to ask when you're about to pass out, but I think I just wanted to end my mother's day with the slightest token of affection.

My point is...gifts are wonderful and considerate, but I've decided that getting out-of-the-ordinary, tender loving care is all I really desire on Mother's Day.